We got so high we made milksteak
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
