dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
