Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
