His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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