physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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