good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
