I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
