I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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