he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
