i wish starbucks made bloody marys
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
