So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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