Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
