Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
