you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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