we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
