but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
