I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
