On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
