3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
