My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize