I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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