hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Say something about gay babies.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
