I skipped work to stalk him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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