He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
