If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
