I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
