just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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