I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how drunk are you?
Several
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
