got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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