my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
