Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
