she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize