im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
