You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
