I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
