I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
