I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize