I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are my feet made of real feet?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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