Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
