yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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