We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
