you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
