I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
