my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
