I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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