Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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