Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
