apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What drink are we having for lunch?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
