just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
