i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
