That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
