I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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