I'm eating all of the evidence.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
