I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
