That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
