what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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