Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize