Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
