Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
