roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
