Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
