is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
