after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
