dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
