lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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