I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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