Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
