help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
