It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
