i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
