They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
