My room smells like vodka and shame
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
