Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize