Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
