Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
