Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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