we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
